When you’re experiencing challenging behavior in the classroom, one piece of advice tends to circulate above all others: build relationships. But how do you build relationships with students when you barely have time during the day to do everything else? What if you didn’t start the year off on the right foot, and you’re trying to backtrack and build relationships now? Keep reading for some easy-to-implement tips for building and maintaining those important relationships.
Show them that you care about their interests.
Students love to talk about their friends, family, and hobbies. If a child is talking to you about their soccer practice or the video game they played with their brother last night, that child is trying to build a relationship with you. My advice: lean into it.
You don’t need to care about dragons to listen to a student talk about them. Even if the topic of conversation isn’t your favorite, it doesn’t take that much effort to react accordingly and ask a few follow-up questions.
I also try to find out what extracurricular activities my students participate in and show support when I can. It can be difficult to attend after-school activities because I don’t live in the same town where I teach. However, if a student directly asks me to attend one of their events, I do my best to show up. A few years ago, I had a student who held a grudge against me because I caught her doing something she shouldn’t. She was typically hostile when I tried to talk to her, but one day she asked me to attend her basketball game. The answer was an easy Yes. I knew she was trying to connect with me.
You’re invited!
If you’d like to make it easy for students to tell you when they have an upcoming game, concert, or competition, check out this Student to Teacher Extracurricular Invitation Resource.
Dedicate the first few days of school to relationship building.
Academics can wait. Reserve back-to-school time for two things: teaching classroom expectations and building relationships. Help your students get to know you and their classmates, and make sure they feel comfortable in your classroom. A student who feels comfortable with you is much more likely to ask for help when they need it.
Check out some of my favorite back-to-school activities:
Once you’ve gotten to know each other, sneak in some academics with a content-specific icebreaker. Try Middle School Math Icebreakers, Life Science Icebreaker, or U.S. Government Icebreaker.
Find time to connect individually with each student.
I know that this can be difficult, especially if you have large classes. As a special education teacher, my classes are on the smaller side. However, it is SO important, and it helps students feel more comfortable with you.
Here are some tips for finding the time to connect with each student:
- Let students introduce themselves. On the first day of class, walk around to each student and introduce yourself. Let them introduce themselves in return. Not only does this accomplish the goal of taking attendance, but it also gives you a chance to hear the students pronounce their names correctly before you have a chance to mispronounce them.
- Find time to work with small groups. Students are more willing to speak up and ask questions in a small-group setting than they are with the whole class. I have a kidney table that I utilize almost daily for small-group work. Even if I just invite students to work there independently while I sit with them, their confidence to ask for help grows exponentially.
- Provide feedback during group work. If you don’t have time to work with small groups regularly, consider having students work on a task in partners or small groups. Walk around regularly to provide support and give meaningful feedback.
- Conference with students. During independent work time, you can pull students individually to conference with them. While students are with you, you can talk about their grades, missing assignments, progress on goals, or maybe something awesome you saw them doing. I also like to conference with students to talk about a book they’ve finished (when I was teaching Language Arts) or to go through a rubric for a project they just submitted. Conferences like this are only useful if they can be done semi-privately, so make sure you’re out of earshot of other students.
Want to conference with students about goals?
Check out this goal setting worksheet. Your students can set a goal, lay out an action plan, address obstacles in their way, and check in with you regularly about their progress.
Communicate with families.
Keep in regular communication with children’s parents or guardians, especially when you have good things to say. My first few years teaching, I only contacted home when a student was in trouble or failing a class. Parents stopped picking up the phone.
If you want to establish a positive relationship with families, I encourage you to start early. If you have a small class, it might be feasible to have a phone conversation with each parent before the beginning of the school year. However, this isn’t a realistic option for many teachers. Consider sending a letter introducing yourself, in addition to a class syllabus if you have one. If you’re a special education teacher like me, you could also send home this student information form to get input about each student’s strengths and needs at the beginning of the year. Having your first contact with parents be a positive one is essential to starting the year off right.
Sending a positive postcard home is one way to communicate good news with a parent.
Get yours here: Positive Postcards for Teacher-Parent Communication
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